Friday, April 1, 2011

The elephant in the room.

So, here goes. I have been afraid to tell people how much I weighed to begin with and how much I weigh now and so on. I have this fantasy of losing all the weight and then telling people how much I weighed to begin with. To see the shock on their faces and be congratulated. Mostly, I had this idea that at some point I would be comfortable telling people the truth. But that is not going to work. Being this size and weight is not comfortable and I have this feeling that I may always be uncomfortable with how much I let myself go. That being said, I feel I have no choice but to spill. Here's why I haven't yet and why I need to:

There is all this stigma, especially for women, about telling how much you weigh. I think there is also a bit of fear on my part. I don't want people to know how far I've fallen. I have this fear of judgement. I am not even entirely sure it is an irrational fear. But I have been doing some soul searching and some heavy thinking (no pun intended), and in the spirit of honesty that I hope I have fostered on this blog, I have decided I will be honest about my weight and dress/pant size. I want people who are reading this to experience my full transformation with me. I want people who weigh around what I do, that may come across this blog, to know without a doubt that they can succeed. Besides, its much easier to write in this blog without having to obscure the truth with my words. Like a few blogs ago, I said something like, "At one point I weighed a certain amount and now I weigh sixteen pounds less than that." Fat lot of good that does someone who is seeking inspiration to lose the weight themselves. Perhaps, most importantly, while I may be embarrassed about how much I weigh, I refuse to be embarrassed by my progress or my goals. So....enough of my rambling, let's stop ignoring the elephant in the room (and no I am not talking about me) and see the truth.

So here goes:
Starting weight: 315 lbs
Current weight: 293 lbs
Goal weight: 145 lbs.

Starting pant size: 28/26
Current pant size: 24/22
Goal pant size: 8

A couple of things to note:
I am not giving myself an unrealistic goal. The goal weight and size are reasonable and healthy for someone who is my height. If I end up losing more than that then so be it but, that is what I am aiming for and what I will do my best to maintain. I haven't weighed that much since I was 12. I can't wait to get there, but I know it will happen with hard work and perseverance.

Some good news: I have lost another 5.3 pounds since Wednesday, making my total weight loss 22lbs!!! That is 6.98% of me gone. If I could give myself a grade on a paper based on that percentage I would have 93 out of a 100, an A-. For the first time in my life I can say I am not happy with an A. I would rather have a D.  In fact, I would be thrilled to be a D student in weight loss.

For now, one day at a time and one foot in front of the other.

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  1. Wow, Sarah! Great work! Now how is quitting smoking going? I'm curious about how difficult it is to "quit" everything at once!

  2. Sarah, you are courageous, amazing and candid! I think your journey is amazing. I'm not sure when and how (gym, walking, etc) you are doing your workouts, but I'd love to join you sometime, if you'd like some company.

  3. Sarah, that is awesome!! I was 255 when I started last May trying to lose. My goal is 140. It is not unrealistic. You can do it. I am now down to 195. add me on joann319