How I Got To Where I Am...

I have never been skinny, slim or fit or any other adjective I can use to describe what I wish I was. I have many other accomplishments under my rather hefty belt, but healthy isn't one of them. I have a bachelor's degree, a master's degree in May, I am certified to teach in the state of Texas, and I have a wonderful, loving family and great friends but I feel like something is missing. That missing thing is health and the confidence that comes with it. Specifically, the confidence in myself that I can do physical activities, wear a sleeveless shirt or shorts, ect.

I am sure there are many things and people I could blame for the state I am in, but when I boil it down it all comes back to me not having a strong willpower and having poor self-control. I guess I am a bit of a hedonist. I know that I have developed a vicious cycle of abuse on my body. In fact, I would suggest that I abuse food. I eat when I am not hungry. I use food to fill a void in my life and I have done that for several years. I enter into vicious cycles of eating. Example: I get upset about my weight, I eat because I am upset and then I gain more weight. It's been that way for as long as I can remember.

This is not to say that at some point in my life I wasn't healthy. I have been a swimmer since I was three. When I was eight, I started swimming competitively and swam through most of high school. I was also an avid line dancer after high school, but I never really lost a considerable amount of weight nor did I keep it off.  After I was married I did not have as much opportunity for physical activity and when I got divorced I ate because I was depressed. Then, sadly, I got lazy and started leading a fairly sedentary lifestyle. I was in school and working and felt like this justified being lazy the rest of the time. Now I am reaping the results of that laziness and disregard for my health and future. I have tension headaches and muscle spasms in my neck and back that are directly related to my weight.

On top of the weight, I am a smoker. I have been a smoker since I was 14 years old and I wish daily that I had never had that first drag. I now have difficulty breathing and have developed a smokers cough. This also prevents me from physical activity.

So that is my unhealthy lifestyle in a nutshell and I am not going to let it control me anymore. Today I just decided I have had enough. i am not going to be subject to excuses and regrets anymore.  I have a goal and I am going to succeed. I have had enough and I am going to kick this thing in the butt. I am not ignorant of the hard work this will be and i am sure it may take a couple of years to lose the weight. I am reminded of the saying, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." This is my way of putting one foot in front of the other.   So, here I am.

I would love to hear my readers personal stories. Please feel free to share. Sometimes, it helps just to get it off your chest.