The elephant in the room.

So, here goes. I have been afraid to tell people how much I weighed to begin with and how much I weigh now and so on. I have this fantasy of losing all the weight and then telling people how much I weighed to begin with. To see the shock on their faces and be congratulated. Mostly, I had this idea that at some point I would be comfortable telling people the truth. But that is not going to work. Being this size and weight is not comfortable and I have this feeling that I may always be uncomfortable with how much I let myself go. That being said, I feel I have no choice but to spill. Here's why I haven't yet and why I need to:

There is all this stigma, especially for women, about telling how much you weigh. I think there is also a bit of fear on my part. I don't want people to know how far I've fallen. I have this fear of judgement. I am not even entirely sure it is an irrational fear. But I have been doing some soul searching and some heavy thinking (no pun intended), and in the spirit of honesty that I hope I have fostered on this blog, I have decided I will be honest about my weight and dress/pant size. I want people who are reading this to experience my full transformation with me. I want people who weigh around what I do, that may come across this blog, to know without a doubt that they can succeed. Besides, its much easier to write in this blog without having to obscure the truth with my words. Like a few blogs ago, I said something like, "At one point I weighed a certain amount and now I weigh sixteen pounds less than that." Fat lot of good that does someone who is seeking inspiration to lose the weight themselves. Perhaps, most importantly, while I may be embarrassed about how much I weigh, I refuse to be embarrassed by my progress or my goals. So....enough of my rambling, let's stop ignoring the elephant in the room (and no I am not talking about me) and see the truth.

So here goes:
Starting weight: 315 lbs
Current weight: 293 lbs
Goal weight: 145 lbs.

Starting pant size: 28/26
Current pant size: 24/22
Goal pant size: 8

A couple of things to note:
I am not giving myself an unrealistic goal. The goal weight and size are reasonable and healthy for someone who is my height. If I end up losing more than that then so be it but, that is what I am aiming for and what I will do my best to maintain. I haven't weighed that much since I was 12. I can't wait to get there, but I know it will happen with hard work and perseverance.

Some good news: I have lost another 5.3 pounds since Wednesday, making my total weight loss 22lbs!!! That is 6.98% of me gone. If I could give myself a grade on a paper based on that percentage I would have 93 out of a 100, an A-. For the first time in my life I can say I am not happy with an A. I would rather have a D.  In fact, I would be thrilled to be a D student in weight loss.

For now, one day at a time and one foot in front of the other.

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