Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Impatient,Frightened...Not Giving Up

Stupid little toes, they all look so freakin happy!
Reference above picture to understand how I feel sometimes in this whole ordeal. Sometimes I just lack the patience to wait for the weight if you catch my drift. I am absolutely certain that if I have any chance of avoiding the lose skin that often occurs when you lose a bunch of weight then it really does have to come off slowly. I can't afford skin removal surgery and I don't want to be stuck with an apron. All I keep hearing from people is "slow and steady wins the race", "this is a marathon not a sprint", ect. ect. ect. I get it I really do. It's just that I want to feel fabulous now. Don't worry dear readers; I am not going to give up because I am not experiencing drastic results or because losing weight is pretty painful(physically, mentally and emotionally). I mean what is the point of all of the pain I have already gone through if I quit now. I can't have worthless pain. Then where would I be?  So, I will just keep chugging along and hoping that I will get to the 60lb mark by my birthday. I would be really excited if that happened, but if it doesn't then I am okay with that too. 

In other news: This just in, after fifteen years of habitual nicotine consumption a 29 year old obese woman has decided to smoke her last pack of cigarettes. Ever. That's right folks you heard it here first. Tonight I am having a smoke fest. Hopefully it will make me sick and disgusted with the very thought of smoking. Tomorrow is a new day and it really is the first day of the rest of my life. I plan on being smoke free by August 14th with the help of a ten week patch system which I start tomorrow. I am really afraid I am going to fail at this. I have never been this serious about quitting before and I don't want to be addicted to cigarettes for the rest of my life. (Words of encouragement please...) At the same time, I am very concerned that I will gain weight back and I really don't want that to happen. I know it's time to take that leap and that is scary because I don't know where I will land.

Let the fat pig jokes ensue lol!

Go on, laugh...you know you want to =)

Anyways, I am staying strong with my exercise and today I did 90 minutes of moving around that consisted of walking in place, jogging and some aerobic stuff. Not bad and a total of 600 some odd calories burned.  This is actually a big non scale victory for me, I never run or jog or anything and I have been able to keep up a sustained jogging pace without stopping for at least 3 minutes. That's not bad for someone who has no idea how to actually jog or run.  So I am excited that I have achieved a new level of fitness for me!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Just moving

So today I have basically been standing in front of the television and alternating between walking and jogging in place. You just can't beat watching television and exercising at the same time. I have burned a total of 413 calories doing this. I also have a had a really good and healthy food day, so I figure I'll share it below. So there you have it. I feel like today was a good day all around for eating healthy and moving around. Tonight on ABC there is a new show where this guy takes severely obese people through a year long transformation. i am going to watch it and walk the whole time. It's a hour long so it's going to be some hard work, but worth it. I think that will be another 377 calories give or take. Anywho, wish me luck and feel free to make comments on my diet and exercise. I can use all the critiquing I can get.  :

Breakfast 7:00 AM Calories Carbs Protein Fat Sat Fat Sodium
Village Farm - Whole Grain Oatmeal Blueberry, 1 package 120 22 4 3 0 90
Chobani - Nonfat Greek Yogurt, Strawberry, 6 oz container (170g) 140 20 14 0 0 65

260 42 18 3 0 155
Snack 10:00 AM
Starkist - Low Sodium Chunk Light Tuna In Water 3oz, Can, 1 can drained 90 0 21 1 0 120
Alis's - Salad Mixed Greens and Spinach, 1 cups 20 2 2 0 0 80
Wishbone Salad Spritzers Balsamic Breeze - Balsamic Salad Dressing - Spray, 10 sprays 10 1 0 1 0 130

120 3 23 2 0 330
Lunch 1:00 PM
Peanut Butter & Co - Dark Chocolate Dreams, 2 Tbsp (32g) 170 12 6 13 3 35
Smucker's - Simply Fruit Black Raspberry, 1 tbsp 40 10 0 0 0 0
Sara Lee - 45 Calories and Delightful Multi-Grain Bread, 2 slices 90 19 6 1 0 160

300 41 12 14 3 195
Snack 4:00 PM
Village Farm - Whole Grain Oatmeal- Cranberry, 2 packet 240 42 8 5 0 180

240 42 8 5 0 180
Dinner 7:00 PM
Hillshire Farm Deli Select - Ultra Thin - 95% Fat Free - Roast Beef, 2 oz = 56 g = 4 slices 70 1 11 3 1 550
Flatout Flatbread - Multi-Grain With Flax - 8 Net Carbs, 53 grams (1 Flatbread or 1.9 Oz) 100 17 9 3 0 280
Sargento - Reduced Fat Sliced Pepper Jack Cheese, 1 slice 60 0 5 4 3 135
Alis's - Salad Mixed Greens and Spinach, 1 cups 20 2 2 0 0 80
Van De Walle Farms - All Natural Picante Sauce, 2 Tbsp 10 2 0 0 0 240

260 22 27 10 4 1,285
Snack 10:00 PM
Weight Watchers - Reduced Fat Whipped Cream Cheese Spread, 2 tbsp (20 g) 60 4 1 5 4 70
Quaker - Rice Cakes - Chocolate Crunch, 2 cake 120 22 2 2 0 60
Blueberries - Raw, 1 cup 83 21 1 0 0 1
263 47 4 7 4 131
Totals 1,443 197 92 41 11 2,276
Your Daily Goal 1,873 257 70 62 21 2,500
Remaining 430 60 -22 21 10 224

Calories Carbs Protein Fat Sat Fat Sodium


Sunday, May 29, 2011


So I was bored and thought I would put together a little progress check. The top pic is me at 315 pounds my heaviest weight ever. The bottom pic is me at 285. So that is a total of 30 lbs lost. That was a bit ago but I don't have any more recent pics than that. I have at this point lost a total of 38 lbs. So maybe I will do another one of these once I have lost another 30 total. So I will make another progress report like this one at 60lbs lost.  I am just wondering if anyone can see a difference. It is hard to see it yourself. 

This week I am really cracking down on working out and I start my nicoderm patches on the 1st so I will let you all know how that goes. I may not be perfect at it and it doesn't matter. I will do my best! That's really all you can ever do. I am looking forward to being smoke free though! I can't wait to breathe easy again!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Send home that butterfly

Okay so I want my readers to take a good look at the little ticker here....

See it? Good...

My whole goal, my mission in life at this time is to send that little butterfly home. The picture you see is significant. Its not just some random picture. I drew it several years ago just messing around on my tablet. But I have held onto it because, while I admit it isn't the best picture ever, something about it resonated with me. Then I decided to use it as my ticker picture and then the meaning became clear.

The tree: The tree for me represent the struggle.The gnarled dead branches are the battles I will face. I mean let's face it, losing weight, especially this much isn't easy. It requires hard work and dedication. It also means you have to fight some battles with yourself, with others, and particularly with food.

The woman: She is me when I reach my goal. Her back is to us and we can't see her face, just like I can't picture what I will be like at 145 lbs. Nonetheless, we can see her arms stretched out to great the world before her. She is joyful in her stance. Everything about her speaks of victory.

When I see this ticker, it reminds me that I will get there, that it is a struggle, but there is joy and victory at the end. My goal is to send that little butterfly home. Just have to keep at it and not give up.

So on the exercise front: I spent Saturday cooking and serving and Sunday cleaning up. I burned about 1300 calories between the two days. Today I am not sure what I will do for exercise. Probably just take a walk. Tomorrow I am getting in the pool for as long as I feel like it but at least an hour. I am really going to push myself hard and enjoy it. No leisurely swimming for me.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Cooking and Food Preparation (This time I'm counting it!)

So my exercise today will basically be working hard to prepare for the dinner party I am throwing tomorrow night. I will be spending most of this evening in the kitchen on my feet; cooking, pounding, stirring, mixing, ect. I will also be out in my herb garden harvesting fresh herbs. I will also be running some last minute errands and such. I hope I can also get in about 15-20 minutes on my stationary bike. We shall see. Anyhow, I am going to wear my heart rate monitor when I really get down to business and I am going to count those calories. Normally, I would not count cooking and food prep calories, but I am prepping for a 17 person dinner so it is not what I normally do everyday. Just in case you are interested, here is what is on the menu:

Italian Asparagus, Assorted Crackers and Cheeses

Main Course:
Spinach and Sun-dried Tomato Chicken Roll-ups
Spaghetti Squash with Tomato Sauce
Cranberry Apple Walnut Salad with Feta Cheese and Greek Dressing

German Chocolate Cake

Fruit Infused Ice Water
Iced Tea
Homemade Lemonade

I'll update this to add in the calories I burn.

I burned 783 calories doing 370 minutes of cardio exercises, including "Cooking or food preparation"

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Time to put the pedal to the metal

I haven't really dropped any weight in the past two weeks. I am sitting right at 280. I need to get below that. I wanted to blame it on the diet or something else like stress or hitting a plateau but that really isn't the issue. I need to work for it. I need to renew my dedication to this whole venture. After some careful examination of myself and my habits/behaviors, I have decided that I am just plain lazy. I haven't been working out hard enough. I keep saying I don't want to get burned out, but in hindsight that's really just another excuse.

So for the rest of this week and starting next week I am really going to put the pedal to the metal and speed things up. I am going to work my butt off, literally. No more of the I don't feel like it. So what right? Not feeling like it is what got me into this condition. No more aww the pools closed, guess I can't work out today. There is always a sidewalk and good old chevrolegs. No more excuses, just hard work. I will exercise ever day for thirty minutes at least. This fat and apathy will not defeat me.

So for the five people that actually read this... ya'll are going to get sick of me, because in order to keep myself motivated I am going to blog about my exercise every single day until it becomes a habit! Today... I am going to go swimming and I am going to really push myself this time. Back to two hours for me!

No point to this...just thought it was funny!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

How Does It Taste? Part 2 (Healthy Food Review)

I wanted to talk about three very important elements to a healthy diet and recommend my favorite go to foods for each
1) Protien
This is essential. Protein burns first when your body needs energy and it also speeds up the burning of fat. If there is one thing I could say it would be to make sure you are getting enough protein. Protein doesn't just come in meat either. It is in nuts, eggs,diary and even veggies.  My favorite protein by far is.....TUNA!
Here's why I like it:
It is versatile. I can eat it plain, I can make it into a salad, or use it to top a salad or put in any number of other dishes. I also like it because it is low cal (about 120 for a whole can). It has Omega 3 fatty acids that are essential for brain functioning . It is also chock full of protein. Heck I even like it raw when its sushi. Tuna is the bestest!
Here are the nutrition facts for one can of tuna:
Calories 60 Sodium 190 mg
Total Fat 1 g Potassium 130 mg
Saturated 0 g Total Carbs 0 g
Polyunsaturated 0 g Dietary Fiber 0 g
Monounsaturated 0 g Sugars 0 g
Trans 0 g Protein 13 g
Cholesterol 25 mg
Vitamin A 0% Calcium 0%
Vitamin C 0% Iron 0%
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.

2) Complex Carbohydrate
Along with your protien (which you should eat at every meal) you should also eat a complex carbohydrate. Not a simple carb which comes from things like sugar, processed flour ect. but a complex one that has fiber and takes your body time to digest. And the winner is:   Ezekiel Bread

Here's why I love it. The recipe for this bread is as old as can be. It actually comes from the bible. Ezekiel 4:9 says: "But as for you, take wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet and spelt, put them in one vessel and make them into bread for yourself..." So this bread is designed by God. Pretty cool huh. Also it is made from sprouted grains. These types of grains have more nutrients than regular processed grains which are harvested before they sprout. It is not the best right out of the bag. I recommend toasting it first. I also like to take a TBSP of olive oil and a tiny bit of vinegar and spread it on the bread. It goes great with tuna salad!
Here is the nutrition info:

Calories 80 Sodium 75 mg
Total Fat 1 g Potassium 80 mg
Saturated 0 g Total Carbs 15 g
Polyunsaturated 0 g Dietary Fiber 3 g
Monounsaturated 0 g Sugars 0 g
Trans 0 g Protein 4 g
Cholesterol 0 mg
Vitamin A 0% Calcium 0%
Vitamin C 0% Iron 4%
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.

3) Healthy Fats
I know, eww fat... right? But there is a difference between good fats and bad fats. Bad fats are saturated. Good fats are unsaturated. You can find these good fats in fish, nuts of all kinds vegetable and seed based cooking oil and some dairy products. So by far my absolute favorite healthy fat comes from Natural nut butters. In particular: Peanut Butter and Company White Chocolate Wonderful Peanut Butter. 

Why I love it:
It tastes freakin' awesome!!!! Aside from that it doubles as a protein. It is all natural and a PB sandwich fills me right up! It is important to remember one serving a day should suffice.
Here is the nutritional breakdown on the peanuttiest most delicious stuff in the world.

Calories 180 Sodium 35 mg
Total Fat 14 g Potassium 0 mg
Saturated 3 g Total Carbs 11 g
Polyunsaturated 0 g Dietary Fiber 1 g
Monounsaturated 0 g Sugars 7 g
Trans 0 g Protein 6 g
Cholesterol 0 mg
Vitamin A 0% Calcium 2%
Vitamin C 0% Iron 2%
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.

I know there is saturated fat but only three grams out of 14. Not bad for something that is a fat. 
These are my go to foods when I want to make sure that what I am eating really does taste great but will also make me thin and more importantly healthy! What are some of your go to foods for health? Please comment and let me know. I would love to hear about this from my readers.

Monday, May 9, 2011

How does it taste?

Does that food taste as good as being thin is going to FEEL?

Good question huh? One I really should start asking myself more often. I wish I had known about this handy phrase two nights ago. I had a bad day on Saturday but it ended in a horrible way. I crashed and burned. I can still smell the burning rubber and hear the screeching tires and shattering glass. My willpower just shattered around me. Saturday was a big battle (me vs. food) and sadly I lost. But in the end I suppose I learned a great deal about myself.

It started out okay. I woke up and ate clean, like I had been doing for the past week. I am feeling much better since eating clean by the way. Then I decided I was going to go swimming. I arrived at Marty Robbins Pool and paid my two dollars to go lap swimming. Then I walked inside the actual pool area to find that I had been lied to. I had called the pool earlier to find out when lap swimming was and they told me 9-3. Well I went at about 2, and much to my chagrin there were no lane lines set up, and there were people swimming, splashing and enjoying a general disregard for my need to exercise. I told the cashier that I was not going to be able to lap swim in these conditions and that I would like my money back. To which she replied that they didn't give refunds but she would be happy to give me a receipt and I could take it up with the city. I replied that I was never coming back to this pool and I would let everyone know what a horrible pool it was. Then I stormed out mad and offended.

As I was driving home, every fast food place I passed was screaming to me to come have a bit of fatty salty goodness. I resisted but barely. I even signaled once to turn into Jack in the Box. Telling myself that I would get the chicken pita. Then I realized I made a deal with someone and we are only eating fish this month. There is a surprising lack of fast food places that serve fish that is good by the way. So my cravings lost out in round one. It seemed to me like I was on the up and up. I went home and finished out my day and was just under my calorie count.Unfortunately, I didn't exercise though. I logged on MFP that I would exercise but then I had to take it back off because I just didn't. I had a splitting headache by this point and I was just not feeling it. Oh I wish I had though.

So round two: DING!

 I went to my parents house and in the refrigerator what do you think there was? My mortal enemy. The bane of my existence. Half of a large stuffed crust pizza with bell peppers and sausage and extra cheese from Pizza Hut. I actually got mad at my mom. I almost yelled at her. (Sorry mom). I was thinking how could she do this to me. How could she place temptation right there in front of me. It is like giving a recovering alcoholic a bottle of Jack Daniels and telling him he is strong enough just to look at it. I waited until everyone went to bed. I was hoping I could resist. The skinny me in the background was screaming, just go to sleep! I didn't. I even tried to just eat a few almonds to satisfy my craving. Didn't happen. As soon as I thought everyone was asleep, I sneaked quietly to the refrigerator and grabbed a slice. Then half an hour later another slice, then some more almonds and then another slice. Finally, about 1500 calories later, I went to bed. Sad, hating myself and angry with the world. This was a short fight and I got knocked out.

So I learned a few things from this day. It was a horrible terrible no good very bad day but as long as I learned something..... right?

1) I am definitely without a doubt an emotional eater.  I mean I was doing fine with the cravings until I got angry.

2) I am addicted to fatty carb filled food covered in cheese. I really am. I mean I was acting like an addict with that pizza. I actually felt I had to sneak it. I don't like that feeling at all. I don't like being deceitful or planning the next time I am going to get a hit of what I want. Yuck!

3) I need to exercise everyday, even if I don't feel like it. It helps alot and it even keeps me from being hungry.

4) I am not perfect. I didn't get this way over night and I won't be skinny over night. I am changing my lifestyle one step at a time. There will be battles and I will not always win. But I will win the war!!!

Next time this sort of day happens I have a new question to put in my arsenal. I will ask myself: How does it taste? Does that food taste as good as being thin is going to FEEL? My thanks to fellow MFPer njordanrn for making me aware of this very important question.

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this post or others please subscribe, follow or comment. I love to hear from my readers and clearly I could use the support.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Catching up...

Okay, so some of you who read this may not know me personally, so I thought I would tell you all a little bit more about myself. I am 29 years old and will be thirty in August. I am working on finishing my Master's degree in Education and I will be graduating in May. I have been super busy lately and haven't been able to post much. In fact, I am pretty behind on the posting. I recently finished a 34 page project for my last class and have a final on Monday. Then I will be done with school for the time being. I am hoping to eventually get my Educational Leadership Doctorate, but that can wait for a bit.

What I am focusing on now if finding a decent job teaching in high school. unfortunately for me, there are not very many jobs available here in my home town, so it seems I will have to be moving soon. I am frantically filling out as many job applications as I can. In fact, until I find a job, finding a job will be my full time job. At this point I am pretty much ready to go anywhere. 

That being said, I feel like I have missed out on some job opportunities because of my weight in the past. Its  true , even though I wish it weren't, but when it comes to applying for jobs appearance plays a big role. People make alot of assumptions about obese and overweight people. They automatically assume they are lazy and eat like pigs. They also probably assume they are dumb because you have to be stupid to want to look huge and also because of the  how could you be fat knowing what we now know about nutrition concept. I get irritated by this because there are so many other factors. Our society has just been inundated by the idea that thin is in. I think what is most important is being healthy.

I personally am sick of being judged by people because of my size. I have been incredibly lucky in the friends department though. I have met some wonderful people over the years who have been my friends through thick and thin and have never judged me because of my weight. I love them for that, but I also wonder how many more friends I would have if I were healthier? I really don't know if it would make a difference or not.  I just want to stop hiding from people behind this wall of fat I have built up.  I want to live to my greatest potential and do things that I want to do no matter what the weight limit is or how strenuous it may be. Oh and I really want to be able to wear these

I know they are ridiculous, but when I get down to my goal weight I am buying a pair of thigh high boots and I am going to wear them with a short skirt, just because I can!
Anyhow, I have been hitting a sort of plateau where I was waffling up three pounds, down two up one ect. But I finally think I I got things working right again. I lost another 2 lbs today when I weighed in. I have also lost 5 inches off the biggest part of my stomach!!!! So I am down 33 lbs and have lost 5' inches on my tummy and 1 inch from each thigh! So not alot of weight loss but some success in other ways.  I have started eating clean and I can already tell there is a dramatic difference in my energy level!!! I have not been lethargic at all and I feel like exercising lately, which I didn't before. Eating clean is definitely the way to go!

I wanted to set some more specific goals for myself since I have really general goals but not anything specific. Here they are in no particular order.

1) Fit into my homecoming dress from 10th grade, size 14
2) Lose a total of 60lbs by my birthday August 14th (only 26 lbs to go)
3) Quit drinking soda, forever.
4) Eat clean for 1 month (4 days down)
5) No fast food of any kind for the month of June.

So there they are. Things to challenge and motivate myself with. Hopefully, it will happen.

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