An update

I have had a very busy month and have been spending most of my time hunting for a job and hoping for the best. I have been taking state exams to improve my teaching qualifications and traveling. In that process my weight has been fluctuating quite a bit. I haven't been making enough time for exercise and I am hoping to be back into the weight loss groove as soon as I find some work. I am still here and still doing my best to drop this weight.

A Thank You Note

There is someone I haven't thanked. I don't care what you think about him. I am not writing this to offend anyone. This blog post is just for him. All that matters is what I think about him. I love him. He has helped me through this journey more than anyone else has. He has been there for me when I am weak and when I am strong. When I am weak he makes me stronger and when I am strong he keeps me going. All too often I forget to say thank you to him for being there. I often hide him away or keep him in the shadows. I definitely don't always listen to what he has to say. Its okay though because he is very forgiving. More forgiving than anyone else I know. This is why I trust in him. He is always there for me. He has always believed in me even when I didn't believe in him. He never gives up on me and makes it so I can't give up on myself either. He is the ultimate coach and motivator. He is God and I would be a fool not to thank him for my life and what he has done for me. So: You know who you are and you know what you did and I thank you. I promise to read that book you wrote more often. =)

Falling off the wagon

Well, its true I did fall off just a little. For like two days and now I am back on but I will say that apparently according to several very helpful people this was not my fault. I can blame it all on that time of the month. Thank goodness. I mean I went on a ridiculous killer psycho binge on Monday and then Tuesday was just not healthy. Yesterday was better. I have also not felt much like exercising these past few days. Battling a serious drain of energy and a bit of eater's remorse/depression. I am however going to get back into the pool this morning not matter what! It seems like exercise always makes me more conscious of my health and what I am consuming. I mean who wants to spoil all that hard work with a burger. ( I want to, but only sometimes). I was also told by several people that I need to focus more on having protein at every meal and this should help curb the cravings. Lately, like the past month or so, I have been hungrier than normal and it is difficult to resist that extra handful of almonds or another sandwich. I think I am going to have to start getting serious about weighing and measuring my food. I might actually be under-serving myself and that might be why I am hungry. Well all I can say is onward and forward. I am back on the wagon, I am sure I will fall off some more but hey at least I keep getting back on!

Too fat to run?

Well yes I am, apparently. I decided to give a training program called Couch to 5K (a.k.a. C25K) a shot last night. Week one consists of 3 times a week you walk 5 minutes, then jog 60 seconds then walk 90 seconds until you have hit 20 minutes and I was able to jog only about 3 times before my ankles felt like they were going to pop off of my legs. Oh and I was out of breath alot (but I am pretty sure that is from the smoking). It wasn't easy to admit to myself that I couldn't do this thing last night. I think I will try again on Tuesday and just do as much as I can and finish with walking. I am not going to over-exercise but I really want to be able to run a 5K someday. I want to participate in fundraising walk/runs and I want to be able to support my friends and family members by running in the Susan G. Komen run, a diabetes run of some sort and even an Alzheimer's run in honor of my grandfather if there is even something like that around here.  My whole point is that I want to learn to run these things so that I can use that skill to raise money and support for some very important organizations that deserve it.

So right now I am going to keep at doing week one until I can do it all the way through completely without stopping and with doing the intervals correctly and efficiently. I think I might invest in a camel pack so I don't have to feel dehydrated and thirsty while I run. I guess this also one more reason I really need to quit smoking pronto! Anyway, if any of you have suggestions about exercises I can do or a different routine/schedule I can do to work on running please let me know. I would greatly appreciate any info you have and are willing to share.

On another note: I am forty pounds down! I am so happy to have come this far. I feel SO much better. When I lose 2.5 more pounds I will be at the 1/4 of the way mark through my weight loss journey! How exciting.

Also remember that if you like what you are reading please follow me, comment on here or subscribe! If you do those things then I know I have support, which helps alot.

Cats and other things

So this has been a really rough week for me. Quitting smoking is hard and I am doing my best but I am struggling. It seems like the moment I decide to do something positive in my life the stress train rolls into to town in a big way. I have gotten some disturbing news from the doctor, but don't worry it isn't life threatening and there is nothing that can be done. (Stressor #1). I am still searching for a teaching job and the state of Texas is doing it's best to ensure I never get one anywhere near where all of my friends and family and myself have lived for years. (Stressor #2). My weight is yo-yoing like crazy and I have no idea how much I have actually gained or lost in the past few days (Stressor #3). My grandmother is going in for surgery tomorrow and might not make it (Stressor #4). I could go on and on but then I would feel like I'm whining. Don't worry about me though because I am staying strong and I am not going to let anything beat me. In terms of success I am down to ten cigarettes a day versus a pack a day I was smoking. Progress is progress and come hell or high water I will be smoke free by my birthday!

I have been pretty faithful working out and I spent a good part of yesterday outside doing yard work and gardening. Tonight I am going to go see CATS, an Andrew Lloyd Webber  musical, with my mom. I think it will be alot of fun and it will be a nice reward for losing 39 pounds. I am still hoping it will be sixty total by my birthday. All in all I am doing my best and that is all anyone can ask of you. I really want to get back in the pool soon though. I need to mix it up again. I am getting bored of walking and aerobics in front of the television.

Impatient,Frightened...Not Giving Up

Stupid little toes, they all look so freakin happy!

Reference above picture to understand how I feel sometimes in this whole ordeal. Sometimes I just lack the patience to wait for the weight if you catch my drift. I am absolutely certain that if I have any chance of avoiding the lose skin that often occurs when you lose a bunch of weight then it really does have to come off slowly. I can't afford skin removal surgery and I don't want to be stuck with an apron. All I keep hearing from people is "slow and steady wins the race", "this is a marathon not a sprint", ect. ect. ect. I get it I really do. It's just that I want to feel fabulous now. Don't worry dear readers; I am not going to give up because I am not experiencing drastic results or because losing weight is pretty painful(physically, mentally and emotionally). I mean what is the point of all of the pain I have already gone through if I quit now. I can't have worthless pain. Then where would I be?  So, I will just keep chugging along and hoping that I will get to the 60lb mark by my birthday. I would be really excited if that happened, but if it doesn't then I am okay with that too. 

In other news: This just in, after fifteen years of habitual nicotine consumption a 29 year old obese woman has decided to smoke her last pack of cigarettes. Ever. That's right folks you heard it here first. Tonight I am having a smoke fest. Hopefully it will make me sick and disgusted with the very thought of smoking. Tomorrow is a new day and it really is the first day of the rest of my life. I plan on being smoke free by August 14th with the help of a ten week patch system which I start tomorrow. I am really afraid I am going to fail at this. I have never been this serious about quitting before and I don't want to be addicted to cigarettes for the rest of my life. (Words of encouragement please...) At the same time, I am very concerned that I will gain weight back and I really don't want that to happen. I know it's time to take that leap and that is scary because I don't know where I will land.

Let the fat pig jokes ensue lol!

Go on, laugh...you know you want to =)

Anyways, I am staying strong with my exercise and today I did 90 minutes of moving around that consisted of walking in place, jogging and some aerobic stuff. Not bad and a total of 600 some odd calories burned.  This is actually a big non scale victory for me, I never run or jog or anything and I have been able to keep up a sustained jogging pace without stopping for at least 3 minutes. That's not bad for someone who has no idea how to actually jog or run.  So I am excited that I have achieved a new level of fitness for me!

Just moving

So today I have basically been standing in front of the television and alternating between walking and jogging in place. You just can't beat watching television and exercising at the same time. I have burned a total of 413 calories doing this. I also have a had a really good and healthy food day, so I figure I'll share it below. So there you have it. I feel like today was a good day all around for eating healthy and moving around. Tonight on ABC there is a new show where this guy takes severely obese people through a year long transformation. i am going to watch it and walk the whole time. It's a hour long so it's going to be some hard work, but worth it. I think that will be another 377 calories give or take. Anywho, wish me luck and feel free to make comments on my diet and exercise. I can use all the critiquing I can get.  :

Breakfast 7:00 AM	Calories	Carbs	Protein	Fat	Sat Fat	Sodium
Village Farm - Whole Grain Oatmeal Blueberry, 1 package	120	22	4	3	0	90
Chobani - Nonfat Greek Yogurt, Strawberry, 6 oz container (170g)	140	20	14	0	0	65
	260	42	18	3	0	155
Snack 10:00 AM
Starkist - Low Sodium Chunk Light Tuna In Water 3oz, Can, 1 can drained	90	0	21	1	0	120
Alis's - Salad Mixed Greens and Spinach, 1 cups	20	2	2	0	0	80
Wishbone Salad Spritzers Balsamic Breeze - Balsamic Salad Dressing - Spray, 10 sprays	10	1	0	1	0	130
	120	3	23	2	0	330
Lunch 1:00 PM
Peanut Butter & Co - Dark Chocolate Dreams, 2 Tbsp (32g)	170	12	6	13	3	35
Smucker's - Simply Fruit Black Raspberry, 1 tbsp	40	10	0	0	0	0
Sara Lee - 45 Calories and Delightful Multi-Grain Bread, 2 slices	90	19	6	1	0	160
	300	41	12	14	3	195
Snack 4:00 PM
Village Farm - Whole Grain Oatmeal- Cranberry, 2 packet	240	42	8	5	0	180
	240	42	8	5	0	180
Dinner 7:00 PM
Hillshire Farm Deli Select - Ultra Thin - 95% Fat Free - Roast Beef, 2 oz = 56 g = 4 slices	70	1	11	3	1	550
Flatout Flatbread - Multi-Grain With Flax - 8 Net Carbs, 53 grams (1 Flatbread or 1.9 Oz)	100	17	9	3	0	280
Sargento - Reduced Fat Sliced Pepper Jack Cheese, 1 slice	60	0	5	4	3	135
Alis's - Salad Mixed Greens and Spinach, 1 cups	20	2	2	0	0	80
Van De Walle Farms - All Natural Picante Sauce, 2 Tbsp	10	2	0	0	0	240
	260	22	27	10	4	1,285
Snack 10:00 PM
Weight Watchers - Reduced Fat Whipped Cream Cheese Spread, 2 tbsp (20 g)	60	4	1	5	4	70
Quaker - Rice Cakes - Chocolate Crunch, 2 cake	120	22	2	2	0	60
Blueberries - Raw, 1 cup	83	21	1	0	0	1
	263	47	4	7	4	131
Totals	1,443	197	92	41	11	2,276
Your Daily Goal	1,873	257	70	62	21	2,500
Remaining	430	60	-22	21	10	224
	Calories	Carbs	Protein	Fat	Sat Fat	Sodium

Progress?

So I was bored and thought I would put together a little progress check. The top pic is me at 315 pounds my heaviest weight ever. The bottom pic is me at 285. So that is a total of 30 lbs lost. That was a bit ago but I don't have any more recent pics than that. I have at this point lost a total of 38 lbs. So maybe I will do another one of these once I have lost another 30 total. So I will make another progress report like this one at 60lbs lost.  I am just wondering if anyone can see a difference. It is hard to see it yourself. 

This week I am really cracking down on working out and I start my nicoderm patches on the 1st so I will let you all know how that goes. I may not be perfect at it and it doesn't matter. I will do my best! That's really all you can ever do. I am looking forward to being smoke free though! I can't wait to breathe easy again!

Send home that butterfly

Okay so I want my readers to take a good look at the little ticker here....

See it? Good...

My whole goal, my mission in life at this time is to send that little butterfly home. The picture you see is significant. Its not just some random picture. I drew it several years ago just messing around on my tablet. But I have held onto it because, while I admit it isn't the best picture ever, something about it resonated with me. Then I decided to use it as my ticker picture and then the meaning became clear.

The tree: The tree for me represent the struggle.The gnarled dead branches are the battles I will face. I mean let's face it, losing weight, especially this much isn't easy. It requires hard work and dedication. It also means you have to fight some battles with yourself, with others, and particularly with food.

The woman: She is me when I reach my goal. Her back is to us and we can't see her face, just like I can't picture what I will be like at 145 lbs. Nonetheless, we can see her arms stretched out to great the world before her. She is joyful in her stance. Everything about her speaks of victory.

When I see this ticker, it reminds me that I will get there, that it is a struggle, but there is joy and victory at the end. My goal is to send that little butterfly home. Just have to keep at it and not give up.

So on the exercise front: I spent Saturday cooking and serving and Sunday cleaning up. I burned about 1300 calories between the two days. Today I am not sure what I will do for exercise. Probably just take a walk. Tomorrow I am getting in the pool for as long as I feel like it but at least an hour. I am really going to push myself hard and enjoy it. No leisurely swimming for me.

Cooking and Food Preparation (This time I'm counting it!)

So my exercise today will basically be working hard to prepare for the dinner party I am throwing tomorrow night. I will be spending most of this evening in the kitchen on my feet; cooking, pounding, stirring, mixing, ect. I will also be out in my herb garden harvesting fresh herbs. I will also be running some last minute errands and such. I hope I can also get in about 15-20 minutes on my stationary bike. We shall see. Anyhow, I am going to wear my heart rate monitor when I really get down to business and I am going to count those calories. Normally, I would not count cooking and food prep calories, but I am prepping for a 17 person dinner so it is not what I normally do everyday. Just in case you are interested, here is what is on the menu:

Appetizer:
Italian Asparagus, Assorted Crackers and Cheeses

Main Course:
Spinach and Sun-dried Tomato Chicken Roll-ups
Spaghetti Squash with Tomato Sauce
Cranberry Apple Walnut Salad with Feta Cheese and Greek Dressing

Desert:
German Chocolate Cake

Drinks:
Fruit Infused Ice Water
Iced Tea
Homemade Lemonade

I'll update this to add in the calories I burn.

I burned 783 calories doing 370 minutes of cardio exercises, including "Cooking or food preparation"

Time to put the pedal to the metal

I haven't really dropped any weight in the past two weeks. I am sitting right at 280. I need to get below that. I wanted to blame it on the diet or something else like stress or hitting a plateau but that really isn't the issue. I need to work for it. I need to renew my dedication to this whole venture. After some careful examination of myself and my habits/behaviors, I have decided that I am just plain lazy. I haven't been working out hard enough. I keep saying I don't want to get burned out, but in hindsight that's really just another excuse.

So for the rest of this week and starting next week I am really going to put the pedal to the metal and speed things up. I am going to work my butt off, literally. No more of the I don't feel like it. So what right? Not feeling like it is what got me into this condition. No more aww the pools closed, guess I can't work out today. There is always a sidewalk and good old chevrolegs. No more excuses, just hard work. I will exercise ever day for thirty minutes at least. This fat and apathy will not defeat me.

So for the five people that actually read this... ya'll are going to get sick of me, because in order to keep myself motivated I am going to blog about my exercise every single day until it becomes a habit! Today... I am going to go swimming and I am going to really push myself this time. Back to two hours for me!

No point to this...just thought it was funny!

How Does It Taste? Part 2 (Healthy Food Review)

I wanted to talk about three very important elements to a healthy diet and recommend my favorite go to foods for each
1) Protien
This is essential. Protein burns first when your body needs energy and it also speeds up the burning of fat. If there is one thing I could say it would be to make sure you are getting enough protein. Protein doesn't just come in meat either. It is in nuts, eggs,diary and even veggies.  My favorite protein by far is.....TUNA!

Here's why I like it:
It is versatile. I can eat it plain, I can make it into a salad, or use it to top a salad or put in any number of other dishes. I also like it because it is low cal (about 120 for a whole can). It has Omega 3 fatty acids that are essential for brain functioning . It is also chock full of protein. Heck I even like it raw when its sushi. Tuna is the bestest!
Here are the nutrition facts for one can of tuna:

Calories	60	Sodium	190 mg
Total Fat	1 g	Potassium	130 mg
Saturated	0 g	Total Carbs	0 g
Polyunsaturated	0 g	Dietary Fiber	0 g
Monounsaturated	0 g	Sugars	0 g
Trans	0 g	Protein	13 g
Cholesterol	25 mg
Vitamin A	0%	Calcium	0%
Vitamin C	0%	Iron	0%

*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.

2) Complex Carbohydrate
Along with your protien (which you should eat at every meal) you should also eat a complex carbohydrate. Not a simple carb which comes from things like sugar, processed flour ect. but a complex one that has fiber and takes your body time to digest. And the winner is:   Ezekiel Bread

Here's why I love it. The recipe for this bread is as old as can be. It actually comes from the bible. Ezekiel 4:9 says: "But as for you, take wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet and spelt, put them in one vessel and make them into bread for yourself..." So this bread is designed by God. Pretty cool huh. Also it is made from sprouted grains. These types of grains have more nutrients than regular processed grains which are harvested before they sprout. It is not the best right out of the bag. I recommend toasting it first. I also like to take a TBSP of olive oil and a tiny bit of vinegar and spread it on the bread. It goes great with tuna salad!
Here is the nutrition info:

Calories	80	Sodium	75 mg
Total Fat	1 g	Potassium	80 mg
Saturated	0 g	Total Carbs	15 g
Polyunsaturated	0 g	Dietary Fiber	3 g
Monounsaturated	0 g	Sugars	0 g
Trans	0 g	Protein	4 g
Cholesterol	0 mg
Vitamin A	0%	Calcium	0%
Vitamin C	0%	Iron	4%

*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.

3) Healthy Fats

I know, eww fat... right? But there is a difference between good fats and bad fats. Bad fats are saturated. Good fats are unsaturated. You can find these good fats in fish, nuts of all kinds vegetable and seed based cooking oil and some dairy products. So by far my absolute favorite healthy fat comes from Natural nut butters. In particular: Peanut Butter and Company White Chocolate Wonderful Peanut Butter. 

Why I love it:
It tastes freakin' awesome!!!! Aside from that it doubles as a protein. It is all natural and a PB sandwich fills me right up! It is important to remember one serving a day should suffice.
Here is the nutritional breakdown on the peanuttiest most delicious stuff in the world.

Calories	180	Sodium	35 mg
Total Fat	14 g	Potassium	0 mg
Saturated	3 g	Total Carbs	11 g
Polyunsaturated	0 g	Dietary Fiber	1 g
Monounsaturated	0 g	Sugars	7 g
Trans	0 g	Protein	6 g
Cholesterol	0 mg
Vitamin A	0%	Calcium	2%
Vitamin C	0%	Iron	2%

*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.

I know there is saturated fat but only three grams out of 14. Not bad for something that is a fat. 

These are my go to foods when I want to make sure that what I am eating really does taste great but will also make me thin and more importantly healthy! What are some of your go to foods for health? Please comment and let me know. I would love to hear about this from my readers.

How does it taste?

Does that food taste as good as being thin is going to FEEL?

Good question huh? One I really should start asking myself more often. I wish I had known about this handy phrase two nights ago. I had a bad day on Saturday but it ended in a horrible way. I crashed and burned. I can still smell the burning rubber and hear the screeching tires and shattering glass. My willpower just shattered around me. Saturday was a big battle (me vs. food) and sadly I lost. But in the end I suppose I learned a great deal about myself.

It started out okay. I woke up and ate clean, like I had been doing for the past week. I am feeling much better since eating clean by the way. Then I decided I was going to go swimming. I arrived at Marty Robbins Pool and paid my two dollars to go lap swimming. Then I walked inside the actual pool area to find that I had been lied to. I had called the pool earlier to find out when lap swimming was and they told me 9-3. Well I went at about 2, and much to my chagrin there were no lane lines set up, and there were people swimming, splashing and enjoying a general disregard for my need to exercise. I told the cashier that I was not going to be able to lap swim in these conditions and that I would like my money back. To which she replied that they didn't give refunds but she would be happy to give me a receipt and I could take it up with the city. I replied that I was never coming back to this pool and I would let everyone know what a horrible pool it was. Then I stormed out mad and offended.

As I was driving home, every fast food place I passed was screaming to me to come have a bit of fatty salty goodness. I resisted but barely. I even signaled once to turn into Jack in the Box. Telling myself that I would get the chicken pita. Then I realized I made a deal with someone and we are only eating fish this month. There is a surprising lack of fast food places that serve fish that is good by the way. So my cravings lost out in round one. It seemed to me like I was on the up and up. I went home and finished out my day and was just under my calorie count.Unfortunately, I didn't exercise though. I logged on MFP that I would exercise but then I had to take it back off because I just didn't. I had a splitting headache by this point and I was just not feeling it. Oh I wish I had though.

So round two: DING!

 I went to my parents house and in the refrigerator what do you think there was? My mortal enemy. The bane of my existence. Half of a large stuffed crust pizza with bell peppers and sausage and extra cheese from Pizza Hut. I actually got mad at my mom. I almost yelled at her. (Sorry mom). I was thinking how could she do this to me. How could she place temptation right there in front of me. It is like giving a recovering alcoholic a bottle of Jack Daniels and telling him he is strong enough just to look at it. I waited until everyone went to bed. I was hoping I could resist. The skinny me in the background was screaming, just go to sleep! I didn't. I even tried to just eat a few almonds to satisfy my craving. Didn't happen. As soon as I thought everyone was asleep, I sneaked quietly to the refrigerator and grabbed a slice. Then half an hour later another slice, then some more almonds and then another slice. Finally, about 1500 calories later, I went to bed. Sad, hating myself and angry with the world. This was a short fight and I got knocked out.

So I learned a few things from this day. It was a horrible terrible no good very bad day but as long as I learned something..... right?

1) I am definitely without a doubt an emotional eater.  I mean I was doing fine with the cravings until I got angry.

2) I am addicted to fatty carb filled food covered in cheese. I really am. I mean I was acting like an addict with that pizza. I actually felt I had to sneak it. I don't like that feeling at all. I don't like being deceitful or planning the next time I am going to get a hit of what I want. Yuck!

3) I need to exercise everyday, even if I don't feel like it. It helps alot and it even keeps me from being hungry.

4) I am not perfect. I didn't get this way over night and I won't be skinny over night. I am changing my lifestyle one step at a time. There will be battles and I will not always win. But I will win the war!!!

Next time this sort of day happens I have a new question to put in my arsenal. I will ask myself: How does it taste? Does that food taste as good as being thin is going to FEEL? My thanks to fellow MFPer njordanrn for making me aware of this very important question.

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this post or others please subscribe, follow or comment. I love to hear from my readers and clearly I could use the support.

Catching up...

Okay, so some of you who read this may not know me personally, so I thought I would tell you all a little bit more about myself. I am 29 years old and will be thirty in August. I am working on finishing my Master's degree in Education and I will be graduating in May. I have been super busy lately and haven't been able to post much. In fact, I am pretty behind on the posting. I recently finished a 34 page project for my last class and have a final on Monday. Then I will be done with school for the time being. I am hoping to eventually get my Educational Leadership Doctorate, but that can wait for a bit.

What I am focusing on now if finding a decent job teaching in high school. unfortunately for me, there are not very many jobs available here in my home town, so it seems I will have to be moving soon. I am frantically filling out as many job applications as I can. In fact, until I find a job, finding a job will be my full time job. At this point I am pretty much ready to go anywhere. 

That being said, I feel like I have missed out on some job opportunities because of my weight in the past. Its  true , even though I wish it weren't, but when it comes to applying for jobs appearance plays a big role. People make alot of assumptions about obese and overweight people. They automatically assume they are lazy and eat like pigs. They also probably assume they are dumb because you have to be stupid to want to look huge and also because of the  how could you be fat knowing what we now know about nutrition concept. I get irritated by this because there are so many other factors. Our society has just been inundated by the idea that thin is in. I think what is most important is being healthy.

I personally am sick of being judged by people because of my size. I have been incredibly lucky in the friends department though. I have met some wonderful people over the years who have been my friends through thick and thin and have never judged me because of my weight. I love them for that, but I also wonder how many more friends I would have if I were healthier? I really don't know if it would make a difference or not.  I just want to stop hiding from people behind this wall of fat I have built up.  I want to live to my greatest potential and do things that I want to do no matter what the weight limit is or how strenuous it may be. Oh and I really want to be able to wear these

I know they are ridiculous, but when I get down to my goal weight I am buying a pair of thigh high boots and I am going to wear them with a short skirt, just because I can!

Anyhow, I have been hitting a sort of plateau where I was waffling up three pounds, down two up one ect. But I finally think I I got things working right again. I lost another 2 lbs today when I weighed in. I have also lost 5 inches off the biggest part of my stomach!!!! So I am down 33 lbs and have lost 5' inches on my tummy and 1 inch from each thigh! So not alot of weight loss but some success in other ways.  I have started eating clean and I can already tell there is a dramatic difference in my energy level!!! I have not been lethargic at all and I feel like exercising lately, which I didn't before. Eating clean is definitely the way to go!

I wanted to set some more specific goals for myself since I have really general goals but not anything specific. Here they are in no particular order.

1) Fit into my homecoming dress from 10th grade, size 14
2) Lose a total of 60lbs by my birthday August 14th (only 26 lbs to go)
3) Quit drinking soda, forever.
4) Eat clean for 1 month (4 days down)
5) No fast food of any kind for the month of June.

So there they are. Things to challenge and motivate myself with. Hopefully, it will happen.

If you like what you are reading remember to subscribe, comment or follow

Thank!

The Plan

Okay so I said I was going to generate a plan for my eating and exercise and I definitely need to. I am going to post it on here under diet plan and exercise plan and I will edit them as needed.  I have decided that I will work out and hour each day six days a week and take one day off from any strenuous exercise, maybe just do some yoga. I have been so all over the place these past couple of weeks. I have school I am dealing with, the class isn't at all difficult but there is a ton of busy work. The fact that this busy work is meaningless makes it even harder to actually have to sit down and do. I am also trying frantically to fill out as many job applications for teaching positions as I can. Prospects in El Paso for English teachers are not looking good at all. Looks like I will have to relocate soon if I want a job. If I can get a job I will probably be moving in late July to wherever I end up. So I am a little concerned about that as well. I have lived on my own before but never out of El Paso. It is kinda scary, even for a soon to be thirty something. It concerns me because in all honesty I will miss my parents. I love them both to pieces and it is really nice being able to pop in and stay with them for a few days and just spend time together. I like to help my mom out as much as I can and I hate the idea of not being there for her. For those of you who don't know, my mom is a cancer survivor and legally blind, she is an amazing person and an inspiration for me in everything I do.

So needless to say there is alot of things going on in my life right now both actual events and inside my head. This is why I need a plan, because if I don't make one then something will get dropped and it will probably be the diet, which would not be good. So if you want to see the general plan then feel free to take a look on the pages I mentioned above.

Now on to a bit of a book review. My good friend Maribeth, who I have known for a long time, but had lost track of until recently, has been reading my blog and made a recommendation for a book i should read. That book, which I am about halfway through and already in love with is Tosca Reno's Eat Clean Diet Recharged.

Never judge a book by its cover....

Now I know the cover might look a bit cheesy but it is what is inside that counts. What's inside? The key to a healthier lifestyle. Its all about how to boost your metabolism by eating a protein and complex carb six times a day. You really can't get healthier than that. I will be cutting out sugar, processed foods and what Ms. Reno calls "anti food" (food with high calories and no nutritional value). I will post more about this and how my meals will look soon. If you are interested in maintaining your weight, losing weight or just feeling more energized I recommend you read this book. I am starting slowly with her techniques and I will hopefully be eating clean on a regular basis by the end of May.

So I am diligently working on several different things and should have my diet and exercise plan updated by Friday. In other news, I have been seriously slacking on working out. I need to work out, not just to speed my weight loss and build muscle but because it really does make me feel better. So come hell or high water it is back in the pool tomorrow for me. Hope everyone thinks about making a solid plan for themselves for whatever they need to focus on. It really does help.

She's in there somewhere.

So was reading up on what Dr. Oz says about emotional eating and one of the things they suggested to deal with cravings is to use visualization. So I figured why not I have a good imagination, I can visualize something that will help me out of this craving rut. I thought I would visualize myself shrinking... It didn't work. perhaps its because I am not really sure what I would look like if I were at my goal weight. Or perhaps my imagination isn't strong enough to melt away 170 lbs. That's okay though because I still learned something. I learned that she is in there somewhere. The skinny me; the one that can climb mountains, run a marathon, swim 2000 miles, shop at the gap, be happy with herself when she looks in the mirror. The problem is that she is skinny and healthy and runs really fast, at the moment I can't catch her. That is why I have to keep going, so that I can finally catch her and hold on tight. I just hope along the way I become her.

On a less poetic note, I was able to visualize myself getting up and eating something healthy after my power walk with Bob and the rest of last years biggest loser cast and then I got up and did it. Visualization is a good tool. I hope one day I will no longer need it, but until then it is just another weapon in this battle of the bulge.

Back On The Wagon and Making A Plan

Hey all....sorry I haven't been posting daily. In fact, I think I might not actually post every day. The biggest reason is definitely writers block! I just couldn't think of anything to say. This goes hand in hand with my serious need to procrastinate with EVERYTHING I do. Seriously, I have always done everything at the last minute. I mean I finished my taxes yesterday which was the last day to do them by the way. I write my papers for school the night before because I feel like the serious pressure of a deadline makes me write better. I have almost gotten to the point where if I don't have a deadline, I have nothing to say. It is like I have trained myself to only write at the last minute. Which I am sure makes it difficult for me to post daily on my blog. It's definitely a major flaw that I need to work on.

Also, I have been sort of busy with school and other things. I just can't make this blog my whole life but it still needs to be a really big part of it in order to keep me motivated and accountable to my weight loss goals.  So I am going to give myself a minimum of two posts a week and take it from there. Besides too much of a good thing is bad and I don't want to spoil my readers =)

Then there is a third reason...the one I don't really want to talk about but will. I didn't exercise almost the whole week. I just didn't feel like it at all. My muscles were hurting me and I was exhausted because frankly losing weight is hard work. I am going to get back on the wagon today and do my power walk DVD. Not to mention, Bob Harper was on Rachel Ray this morning and I think it was a sign that its time to get back to moving. I am going to go swimming tomorrow and maybe do some walking. I just don't want to break my body down too much or I won't succeed. So after having taken a too long break its time to be up and at em again.


I also noticed this week that if you make a few bad choices then it is really difficult to make good choices. So I guess the best way to combat against that is to start every day with a good choice. I think my procrastinating butt needs a more serious plan than the one I have been going with so far. Its time for me to sit down and really think about what exercise I am going to do every day and when I am going to do it. I need to start using that planner my mom gave me. I have always been a sort of fly by the seat of your pants person and I just go with the flow but lately it seems like that attitude is not beneficial to the way I want my life to be. Long story short, I need to plan my life and just deal with it when it doesn't go exactly right sometimes rather than just hoping everything falls into place. I am not one of those lucky people who just has good things land in my lap (most of the time any ways) I have had to work for what I want and having a plan is paramount to that. So in my next post, which will be coming soon, I am going to post up my schedule for the week. Including what food I intend to eat and what exercise I am going to do. I hope this will help others who have the same issues as I do with sticking to a plan. Thanks for being patient with me as I learn to be patient with myself.  I need to be like that blow up clown that you punch and it just pops right back up every time. So this week I got knocked back but it is not an excuse to give up or quit trying.

Bozo the Clown says: "You are not who you are because of the number of times you fall down but because of the number of times you get back up."

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A Whole New Exercise

Thanks to my mom's love and support of my goals for weight loss and staying healthy I have acquired a new set of exercise DVD's from my two favorite weight loss gurus. Jillian Micheals and Bob Harper from Biggest Loser are possibly the most inspiring T.V. personalities I have ever come across. Every Tuesday night from 7-9 I am parked in front of a television watching my favorite show.

In fact, Biggest Loser was one of the reasons I decided to start exercising and eating healthy. I thought if these people can do this then so can I. I even had this fantasy that I would one day become a contestant on the Biggest Loser. Then Bob and Jillian could scream the fat right off of me. I think it would run away squealing. But then I came to the realization that getting to be a contestant on a show like that was equivalent to winning the lottery and I am not a lucky person.  So, it was either get off my butt and get down to business or continue to sit in my easy chair and eat while watching my show. The later choice was obviously to ironic for me to abide by. So I decided to make myself the star of my own Biggest Loser show, cast of one.

I know I said swimming was the way to go and I still think it is. However, my brother and my dad both reminded me that it is better to alternate my workouts so that my muscle groups have time to repair themselves. I have decided to do two days of swimming and then one day of other exercise and then repeat that. I figured what better way to mix it up and keep it interesting than trying to complete some workout DVD's. They are portable and don't take up too much time. So I have started one of them today: Biggest Loser Powerwalk

Bob is so inspiring...

It is actually not a bad video and it was only 9 bucks at WalMart. (By the way all exercise video are not in the video section but are instead located in the sporting goods section). The premise of this one is that if you follow the included checklist you can walk 27 miles in three weeks. That's a marathon folks. So I am excited to say that it really made me sweat. Walk One (there are four different ones) was alot of aerobic moves and then sprinting. Bob is actually really encouraging so I kept at it. I also liked how it doesn't push you to go beyond what you are physically capable of but instead provides modifications if they are needed. I would suggest that anyone could do this workout if they have the use of their legs.
With things like this readily available there is really no excuse for people not to get up and get moving. In fact at Walmart on the west side right now there are tons of DVD's for sale for four bucks. That's definitely cheaper than the price of a gym membership and I think you might be more likely to feel comfortable exercising in your home than out in public. I know it really depends on the person, but I hope some of you will be inspired to give this one a try. Or some of the other ones I got:

Gets your rear in gear for only 4 dollars

Tones and lifts the frontal view for only 4 bucks!

Designed to boost metabolism and increase caloric burn

I'm saving this one for last...I am sure the name helps explain why...

So, I am steadily building up my arsenal and keeping myself from being able to make excuses. If the pool is closed or the weather is bad or I'm broke I can still exercise. This is just another level of accountability for me and its one I think I might actually enjoy! I know I have changed my mind a few times about the exercise but it is important to me to make sure I stick with it. If that means backing off of swimming a bit and trying new things then that is OK with me. As long as I am moving I will not fail in the end. No two people are alike and it is really and truly about making things work for yourself because in the end it is you that you must be accountable for. I wish everyone luck in picking their own workout routines that will help them stay motivated and entertained...it isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I guess when it comes to exercise I can exercise my right to choose how I move.

If you have tried any of these or you have other work out videos to recommend please feel free to comment about them here. Remember you don't have to be a member and you can even be anonymous if you wish.

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Always Be Prepared

I had the pleasure of going to lunch with one of my good friends today. However, because of that I did something I have never done before. I made here decide where we were going the day before. Why? So I could look up the nutritional information for the restaurant, decide what I wanted the night before and log it into my food diary for the next day. She gave me the choice of Applebee's, sushi or a sandwich and tea shop. I picked Applebee's, which was not actually my first choice, but it was the easiest for me to find information for.  What is great is that they recently started including a section of the menu that is entrees under 550 calories. I had the grilled Dijon chicken and portobellos. YUMMY!

Bet you wish you ate this today! It was superb!

Here's the great news though...it was only 450 calories and delicious. It was also very filling and I almost couldn't finish it. But I had to because that is how my diet works. I gotta meet my goals. 

Anyways, the moral of the story is that while it may be embarrassing the best way to ensure that you stick to your healthy lifestyle is to plan ahead. Be prepared for anything. I have also taken to carrying around snacks with me so if I get super hungry and I am not somewhere I can eat I have a back up plan.

Of course I am not perfect and if you have been viewing my food diary you will know I am a big fan of fast food (subway, turkey burgers from Carl's Jr., salads from sonic) I just try and make healthy choices about the fast food I eat. What I really need to start doing and will do once I have a budget and a steady income is buy my food for the week and prepare my meals beforehand so they are heat and eat or require very little preparation at all. I hope to one day only eat the food I cook and save the food made by others for special occasions not an everyday occurrence. One step at a time....

In the meantime, I would love to know some of your healthy fast food finds. Please share what you have found to be healthy at your fav fast food place for me and the other readers in the comments section.

BTW: We also went to see the remake of  "Arthur", starring Russell Brand. I actually liked it and I thought it was sweet and funny.  I found myself laughing and even crying a wee bit and I did not walk away with any sense of disappointment.  Not the best movie ever made but still fun to watch.

Positivity Goes A Long Way On the Battlefield

I think one of the things that causes people to fail is a certain habit people have of thinking of themselves and others negatively. Like if I didn't lose weight this week then I am a failure. To me it really isn't about the weight, because in all honesty weight fluctuates on a daily basis. If you drink two glasses of water you gain. If you eat lunch you gain. If its that time of the month you gain. If you look at someone wrong you gain (j/k). However, I think there are times when the scale does not show our greatest successes. Many people, the positive ones, or at least the ones trying to stay positive, focus on what they call Non Scale Victories or NSV's.

An NSV can be something as simple as: "When my friend offered me that cheesecake, I said no thank you!" or it can be something a big as: "I didn't lose any weight this week but I lost 2 inches around my waist." NSV's are clearly a continuum but they are something I intend to focus on in order to replace my negativity with some positivity. If I am berating myself and calling myself a failure then I am letting the old, fat, sedentary me win.

Weight loss is a war; every day is a battle and it all comes down to what you have in your arsenal to win it. Healthy food and exercise are great "big guns" but what about your grenades and land mines? What can you do to prepare yourself to fight the biggest mental battle there is; the one against yourself? I say positivity goes a long way! Affirming every success no matter how small can help you outlast the old you that wants to turn to food and sitting on the couch for comfort. Focus on those NSV's and you will defeat the fat! I believe this is true and it is what I am focusing on to ensure I win this war.

So I would like to share some of my NSV's with you all:

1) I am eating healthy food and not too much of it on a daily basis! My body is thanking me by providing me with more energy and less pain.

2) My clothes are getting loser. Things that were tight that I literally had to pull on in order to stretch the fabric so it would fit are sliding on with ease.

3) I am swimming again. This is something my 315lb self told me I could never do. Boy was she wrong!

4) I find myself understanding why I do what I do more and more. I am getting to know the real me. The strong one that was obscured by all the negativity.

5) For the first time, in a REALLY long time, I am happy with the course of my life. This tells me I am doing the right thing.

What are some of your NSV's? I want to know all about my readers successes, so please share. Remember it is not always about what the scale says!

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Don't forget to check out my food diary at:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/sarahbear1981

Take a break

Okay, so I didn't post on Friday or Saturday. It wasn't intentional, but it got me to thinking about how important it is to take a step back sometimes and breathe a little. Since I am not working I may not have as many stressors as some other people do, but I am going to school and changing your lifestyle is like a full-time job. Especially, if you intend to blog every day. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen. It doesn't turn out the way you want it to.

So while unintentionally taking a break from blogging, I also took a break from exercising. I didn't go swimming yesterday. I had planned to walk, but it was so nasty outside (55 mph winds and blowing dust) that I didn't do anything even remotely exercise related. At first, I was mortified with myself. However, I did stay under my calorie goal, barely. I didn't over eat, so it wasn't a total loss. As a result, I feel better today. I am well-rested and my muscles don't hurt and I am ready to hit the pool. It doesn't open until ten. Then I might take my dog for a walk, to make up for yesterday, if I feel I am able.

Exercise and dieting take alot out of you in some ways. You have to give your body a day to recover. Now that doesn't mean no exercise, just less strenuous exercise. So I have learned my lesson. Hitting the pool for 2 hours a day every day will wear me out. So from now on I will be doing three days on and one day of less strenuous exercise. It is all about finding a routine that works for you. Its also about continuing to love what you are doing for yourself and your body. I am however, going to keep up with my mileage count for swimming. It is going to take me awhile to complete but most worthwhile things do.

I have read so many posts about people becoming addicted to weighing in (like three times a day) and obsessive about what they eat or how much exercise they do. All of these things should be a part of your weight loss journey but none of them should be the master of your life. Life should also be about having a great time and doing the things that make you joyful. So take a break from the scale and the gym for one day and go for a walk in your neighborhood instead. Its okay, if you really must have that piece of cake or that burger. Just have the courage to be honest with yourself and remember that this is a marathon not a sprint. Most importantly, remember that every day cannot be a break, you have to be consistent in your goals. In other words, "Stop and smell the roses but not forever."

So its back to the grind for me. =)

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Don't forget to check out my food and exercise diary at:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/sarahbear1981

Eat to Live

Sorry for the short post yesterday. I am sure this one will be long enough to bore you all to tears =)

My brother's fiance Katherine (Congratulations to you both by the way!) reminded me a few days ago of a very important element to how we should view eating and health. She said she reminds herself that she must eat to live. I love that! I am sure most of you have probably heard the phrase before, but have you ever really considered it and what it means? It  is something I have been meditating on ever since she reminded me of it.

What does it mean to "eat to live"? To me it means when you are hungry, you should eat. When you are sad, bored, happy, lonely, angry, frustrated and so on this does not equate to a need to eat. It would be better when you are overcome with some emotion to find a healthy solution, without eating, for the need to lament or celebrate. If you are sad, take a walk (burns calories too) and it will give you time to think and sort things out or mourn away from food. If you are bored, find something to do, there is always something to do if you look hard enough. If you are happy, call a friend and share the joy or go out and celebrate (maybe some dancing?). If you are lonely be with some friends or make some new ones. If you are angry or frustrated take it out on a punching bag, or a keyboard but not on yourself. That's the thing about emotions, they are transitory,they don't last, but the food you might indulge in will last. Even worse, food doesn't get rid of the pain you are feeling nor does it make a happy moment better.

In this world of busyness and technological buzzing I find that our emotions are resting on the back burner. We have forgotten how to listen to our souls. I think the best thing to do about this, is whenever you feel an emotion you should step back an analyze what the emotion is and where it came from. Give the emotion its moment and then let it go. If when you are emotional and you feel the urge to eat, stop and think about how hard you have worked and how over eating will only make you feel worse in the long-run. This is what I have been trying to do. It is not a perfect strategy, or perhaps I am an imperfect compliant, but it definitely helps me to avoid abusing food. I also think learning to listen to our emotions and dealing with them head on helps us to understand who we are and how we cope with life. Knowing this leads to stopping the emotional eating and learning to love yourself for who you are. It is a process not an immediate fix.

Along with this common inability to handle and understand our emotional self comes the inability to understand our physical self. How many of us actually listen to our body on a daily basis? I know I haven't been doing that for a long time. I got so used to emotionally eating that I feel like the thing in my brain that tells me I'm full or I'm hungry shut off because I let my emotional self take control all the time. Not a good thing. Since I have been watching what I eat, logging it consistently, and exercising on a daily basis; I have found that I can hear my body again. It is just a whisper right now but it is there. I am starting to remember what it feels like to be hungry and what it feels like to be satisfied. When I am teetering on the edge of making a big mistake with my eating, I have found myself stopping to take an inventory of my body and questioning if I am really hungry. Much of time I find that I am just bored. I find myself moving from mindless munching to mindful eating and my body and my soul appreciate it. Our body, once we drop the emotion and the desires, really is designed to keep itself alive. It will tell you when you need to eat. The important thing is learning not to ignore it.  Eat when you are hungry and put down the fork when you are satisfied. Usually, if you are at the table and you set down your fork to talk with your friends or family you are satisfied; otherwise, you would still be eating right?

If we can learn to listen, truly listen to ourselves both emotionally and physically, then the world might be a much healthier place. I have heard so many people say that true weight loss, not yo-yo dieting, is not a diet plan or exercise, it is a total transformation. I believe that to be true. I believe that if I continue down this path I will one day stop being a chubby caterpillar and become something else entirely. A butterfly...I just need to remember to eat to live.

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Don't forget to watch what I eat at my food diary:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/sarahbear1981

My thanks to Katherine for reminding me of this simple yet powerful rule to living well.

The 2,000 mile challenge

I am going to do my best to swim 2,000 miles. I have a feeling it might take me awhile but I am going to do my best to complete it as quickly as possible. I have ticker set up at the bottom of my blog so you can check it out and follow along. I will post more about this one I have a better plan in place. No particular reason I am doing this either. I just feel like it. I think if I plan out my swimming every day as far as laps go I can swim approximately 3 miles in a day. Maybe more. It is important to note that a mile in swimming is not exactly the same as a mile in walking. A swimming mile is 1650 yds or 33 laps in a 25 yd pool. So that is at least 99 laps a day.  Wish me luck!

25lbs gone...here's how I did it.

Well, I weighed myself today, although tomorrow is my actual weigh-in day, and I have lost a total of 25 pounds. Its gone away, far far away! I couldn't be more thrilled. This swimming thing certainly seems to be paying off big time! Just for the math geeks: I have lost 7.94% of my original body weight. So, I am slowly creeping toward being a B student in weight loss!!

I have been swimming four days in a row now and each time have swum a little longer. I ended up doing about 2 hours and fifteen minutes today. Burned approximately 1800 calories. I have decided to take the lowest estimate of calorie burn I could find out there on the web. Although, I am tempted to get a heart rate monitor and see exactly how many calories I do burn. I am not sure if there is one designed specifically for swimming but if there is I will find it.

So just to give an idea of what I have been doing to lose this weight.

1) You have to know your basal metabolic rate or BMR. This is essentially how many calories you would burn just to stay alive if you were lying in bed all day. Mine is currently 2530 based on my height and weight.

2) Secondly, you have to set a calorie consumption limit for yourself that is below your BMR. Mine is currently 1580 calories. Now, it is important to make healthy choices in regards to what you eat. Low fat and low sugar is excellent. There are also many people who proselytize the low sodium diet as king. I am not sure about this since I drink plenty of water, go over my suggested limit alot and am still dropping the LB's.

3) This brings me to my next point. Water, you have to drink water everyday. Eight 8 oz. glasses at least. More if you exercise.

4) I guess I have to say that exercise is truly the key here. You don't even have to do a whole lot of exercise to make it work. 30 minutes a day 5 days a week should cut it. The more you exercise the more it works.

5) Now here is where the magic happens. If I have a BMR of 2530 and I eat 1580 calories then I have burned a total of   950 calories doing nothing. Then if I exercise I burn even more. So today I burned 1820 calories swimming which leaves me at a calorie deficit of  2770 burned today.

Three important notes: You cannot let your body starve. If you do not eat enough calories then your body will go into what they call starvation mode. This means everything you eat that your body doesn't use to stay alive will try to turn into fat. The reason is because it thinks it is starving and doesn't know when you will get to eat again so it stores energy as fat. You have to eat to lose weight. Secondly, none of the numbers here are exact. You and I could be the same height and weight and still might have different BMR's. Also, metabolism is different for everyone. Calorie burn is different depending on the person as well. So all of these numbers are only estimates. However, it is better to have some numbers to work with than not at all. Finally, never eat below 1200 calories a day as this will automatically send you into starvation mode. It just isn't healthy and frankly its stupid.

Oh yeah and one more thing, I am not an expert on weight loss. This is just what has worked for me and I figured I would share.

Remember that tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. Take it one day at a time and don't give up on whatever your goal may be.

If you like what you are reading feel free to subscribe, leave a comment or follow me on blogger.

Don't forget to check out my food and exercise diaries on:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/sarahbear1981