How does it taste?

Does that food taste as good as being thin is going to FEEL?

Good question huh? One I really should start asking myself more often. I wish I had known about this handy phrase two nights ago. I had a bad day on Saturday but it ended in a horrible way. I crashed and burned. I can still smell the burning rubber and hear the screeching tires and shattering glass. My willpower just shattered around me. Saturday was a big battle (me vs. food) and sadly I lost. But in the end I suppose I learned a great deal about myself.

It started out okay. I woke up and ate clean, like I had been doing for the past week. I am feeling much better since eating clean by the way. Then I decided I was going to go swimming. I arrived at Marty Robbins Pool and paid my two dollars to go lap swimming. Then I walked inside the actual pool area to find that I had been lied to. I had called the pool earlier to find out when lap swimming was and they told me 9-3. Well I went at about 2, and much to my chagrin there were no lane lines set up, and there were people swimming, splashing and enjoying a general disregard for my need to exercise. I told the cashier that I was not going to be able to lap swim in these conditions and that I would like my money back. To which she replied that they didn't give refunds but she would be happy to give me a receipt and I could take it up with the city. I replied that I was never coming back to this pool and I would let everyone know what a horrible pool it was. Then I stormed out mad and offended.

As I was driving home, every fast food place I passed was screaming to me to come have a bit of fatty salty goodness. I resisted but barely. I even signaled once to turn into Jack in the Box. Telling myself that I would get the chicken pita. Then I realized I made a deal with someone and we are only eating fish this month. There is a surprising lack of fast food places that serve fish that is good by the way. So my cravings lost out in round one. It seemed to me like I was on the up and up. I went home and finished out my day and was just under my calorie count.Unfortunately, I didn't exercise though. I logged on MFP that I would exercise but then I had to take it back off because I just didn't. I had a splitting headache by this point and I was just not feeling it. Oh I wish I had though.

So round two: DING!

 I went to my parents house and in the refrigerator what do you think there was? My mortal enemy. The bane of my existence. Half of a large stuffed crust pizza with bell peppers and sausage and extra cheese from Pizza Hut. I actually got mad at my mom. I almost yelled at her. (Sorry mom). I was thinking how could she do this to me. How could she place temptation right there in front of me. It is like giving a recovering alcoholic a bottle of Jack Daniels and telling him he is strong enough just to look at it. I waited until everyone went to bed. I was hoping I could resist. The skinny me in the background was screaming, just go to sleep! I didn't. I even tried to just eat a few almonds to satisfy my craving. Didn't happen. As soon as I thought everyone was asleep, I sneaked quietly to the refrigerator and grabbed a slice. Then half an hour later another slice, then some more almonds and then another slice. Finally, about 1500 calories later, I went to bed. Sad, hating myself and angry with the world. This was a short fight and I got knocked out.

So I learned a few things from this day. It was a horrible terrible no good very bad day but as long as I learned something..... right?

1) I am definitely without a doubt an emotional eater.  I mean I was doing fine with the cravings until I got angry.

2) I am addicted to fatty carb filled food covered in cheese. I really am. I mean I was acting like an addict with that pizza. I actually felt I had to sneak it. I don't like that feeling at all. I don't like being deceitful or planning the next time I am going to get a hit of what I want. Yuck!

3) I need to exercise everyday, even if I don't feel like it. It helps alot and it even keeps me from being hungry.

4) I am not perfect. I didn't get this way over night and I won't be skinny over night. I am changing my lifestyle one step at a time. There will be battles and I will not always win. But I will win the war!!!

Next time this sort of day happens I have a new question to put in my arsenal. I will ask myself: How does it taste? Does that food taste as good as being thin is going to FEEL? My thanks to fellow MFPer njordanrn for making me aware of this very important question.

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this post or others please subscribe, follow or comment. I love to hear from my readers and clearly I could use the support.